Packers@Vikings

I think it's been almost four decades since Glen Campbell sang "Give me back the old familiar feeling." Well, it's back. I feel that old familiar feeling back in full force with these Vikings.

They were coming off a bye week. They were playing a Bears team that had given up 107 points in their prior two games. They were playing a team with Jay freakin' Cutler at quarterback. What a setup.

And they dawdled through a pathetic game despite the Bears' best efforts to keep the Vikings in the game. The offense was inept. The play calling almost had me wishing for the creative play calling days of Bill Musgrave (I did say "almost"). And Matt Kalil looked as bad as Matt Kalil does. We had few third down conversions, few first downs, more offense generated in one play by a safety than the entire rest of the team at half-time.

The Vikings are 4-6 and tied with the Bears for the bottom of the NFC North. And this was supposed to be one of their easy games. This week, we will drown in our own blood as the high-flying Packers come to town. Oh, the humanity. And the fans are all screaming around here. I wish Herbert Morrison were around to call this game.

So, you're back to continue reading this email after googling Herbert Morrison, huh? Did you hear the recording of his broadcast? After the game, you can just superimpose that recording on the game film. And you too can feel what it is like to witness a great disaster.

The only question is whether the Packers will actually need the second half in order to hit 500 yards of offense.

Fortunately, I will only be able to watch the first half of the game with anyone who shows up. Sheila has a Youth Orchestra concert. Strangely, I'm delighted to be missing part of this game. I have no doubt that the Youth Orchestra concert will be much more energizing and entertaining than this game.

It's over folks. There is no competitive game to watch this weekend. Packer fans are welcome to come over for the first half to gloat and celebrate every few minutes after their team scores. We'll let them enjoy that silly smirk on Aaron's face as he treats this like a game against a HS team. Vikings fans can come and enjoy the company and beer and pretend like this was expected all along. Let's be thankful that we can go the rest of this year without caring about what the Vikings do.

Oh yes, that old familiar feeling is back.

Vikings@Bears

Did I forget to send out a football email on Wednesday? Must be bye week. Or, I just wanted to extend the thought that the Vikings have gone three weeks without losing. You think that's a low standard I have for them? Well, it's a lot more than the Bears can say about their last three weeks.

The bye came at the right time for the Vikes. A legitimate win against a 3-5 Washington team at home is more than I expected (I had predicted a loss).

We play a team that was handed the same "butt-whoopin'" that we experienced at the hands of the evil Packers. In fact, that butt-whoopin' came after another butt-whoopin they got from the Patriots. The Bears defense has given up 106 points in their last TWO games. Ouch. They've got to be hurtin'.

And here come the Vikings with their usual salve. Apparently, the Vikings have not won at Chicago for the last six meetings. Why make this year special? It's about time we made a third-rate QB look like a first-ball hall of famer. Since Josh Freeman isn't around any more, might as well make pathetic Jay Cutler look like a superstar. Why the hell not? We're Minnesota nice and we don't want those poor windy city folks to feel too bad now, do we?

And, Jared Allen will be there. We do want him to feel good about leaving the Vikings. Let him make the point that the Vikings should never have let him go, even though it had to be done and Everson Griffen has proven to be a big upgrade over Jared. He's too old to handle our young folks up front, anyway. He'll be lining up across from ... uh, what? ... no ... no ... say it ain't so ... Jared Allen will be lining up across from MATT KALIL? No, no, no, no. Please. 

If you don't like to watch blood and destruction, you best stay away from this game. I bet Teddy Bridgewater is terrified right now. Maybe he'll claim he has a pinky injury and let Ponder go out there to get killed by the fast-moving traffic on the Kalil expressway.

Game. Over. Good for you, Jared. Glad you had such a great game. Ponder, I'm sorry. You didn't deserve to die like this.

Come and we'll drink a toast to Jared Allen's big game. The game is on CBS, so at least we'll have good picture quality instead of the crap we usually get on our local Fox affiliate.