Packers @ Vikings

Welcome one, welcome all to the tragi-comedy that is the Minnesota Vikings.

The desperation bowl game that masqueraded as Monday Night Football lived down to its immeasurably small expectations and dived deeper. It was so bad that by half time, the group of us watching the game were rolling over laughing with tears in our eyes. Luckily we did not indulge in the many drinking games that were suggested (drink when a Vikes CB gets burned, drink when a sure-fire interception is dropped, drink when Freeman overthrows a receiver by more than 10 yards, etc.) It is probably just a coincidence that the movie I watched two weekends ago was the Titanic. Then, last Sunday, it seemed like I was watching the Titanic again. Except there was no Kate Winslet. And no awe-inspiring special effects. And no Celine Dion.

But there was the sense of impending doom before the show even really started. There were the laughably cheesy moments of obvious emotion manipulation. And, there was, of course, the big, grand, crash-and-burn, spectacular, drawn-out sinking scene with the virtual stench of death all around. To give the game some credit, all this happened before halftime. I bet Celine Dion wishes she had chosen to sing “My Heart Will Go On” after this game instead of after that other movie. Although, I think maybe she would have chosen to sing “I Surrender” (from her 2002 album ‘A New Day Has Come’ if you’re interested).

Like a bad sequel, the Vikings continue the drama with some outrageously funny (in a sad, pathetic, ridiculous sort of way) decision making. After Freeman’s “Hey suckers, my awful performance in Tampa was real. I really am awful” performance in New York, the coach decided that even the worst QB performance in recorded history was better than anything Ponder or Cassel could do, and named Josh Freeman the starter for Sunday’s game. Then, after someone (probably Wilf, who is watching his franchise become the laughingstock of the NFL) knocked some sense into the coach, an announcement was made that Freeman actually couldn’t start because he suffered from a mysterious rib injury, um {already used that}, avian flu, uh {not dramatic enough}, flesh-eating bacteria infection, errr {may be a little TOO unbelievable}, CONCUSSION. Yes, that’s it. A few days after the game, he suddenly realized that he must have sustained a concussion during the third quarter without being hit. Poor guy can’t play. And we’re back to Cassel McNabb Webb T-Jack Favre Rosenfels Frerotte Culpepper CHRISTIAN PONDER. Wooohoooo! Amazing what time can do to perspective. Ponder suddenly seems like the best option for the Vikings. Frazier, of course, insisted that everything is fine with the team and that they continue to have a great game plan (like throwing the ball 50+ times with a brand new QB and the best RB in all football) and only minor adjustments are needed before they can turn this thing around (yep, like right back towards the iceberg). But don’t worry folks, this situation is only temporary until we can convince Tim Tebow to sign with theVikings.

So, we have the Vikings hosting the Packers on Sunday night. What can I say to convince you to come over for the game on Sunday night? To help you with your decision, here’s a list with the …

TOP TEN REASONS YOU SHOULD COME OVER FOR THE GAME ON SUNDAY NIGHT

10. You’re lonely and you have no other friends

9. You’ve already watched all the Twilight movies

8. There are no ‘Dora the Explorer’ reruns on Sunday nights

7. You love “Titanic” and enjoy watching big things sink

6. You’re a fan of Shakespeare and are up for ANY version of “The Comedy of Errors”

5. You get a kick out of watching things self-destruct

4. You’re a Vikings fan and a closet masochist

3. You’re a Packers fan and you’re looking forward to gloating

2. You think the best way to drown your sorrows is good Beer (or three)

And, the number one reason to show up on Sunday night …

1.       You know Sheila is there until 5 and will have whipped up something great for dinner